I like losing weight but I don’t like wearing a belt. I don’t like wearing a belt, but I don’t like my pants falling down. I care deeply about others, but carrying their sorrows means I make them my own. I make the sorrows of others my own, but they are not my sorrows. I cherish my children, but they frustrate me. My children frustrate me, but I don’t know what I’d do without them. This pretty much sums up the things I have been going through lately. Every thing seems to have a flip side, and I can’t have it both ways.
My friend’s 6 week old nephew is going to die after life support is removed. I’ve been praying and asking God to heal him. I’ve been asking my brothers and sisters in Christ to pray. When I found out that this precious baby boy is losing his fight with bacterial meningitis and I cried. I didn’t cry because I know him and love him, but I cried because I have made the sorrow of his family my own. I cried because losing a child is something I experienced when I lost my first child through miscarriage. Although it is not my sorrow to bear, I will keep praying for the parents and family that he will leave behind when he goes to heaven. I’m not going to stop caring.
When I get frustrated I sometimes joke about wanting to just run away, but some times I am so frustrated that I actually mean it. The kids were not listening to what I said and all 3 of them were crying and screaming while I was trying to get them ready for bed last night. In my frustration, I said out loud that I was going to run away. My husband walked into the room and stated that because of his previous experience he’d like it if I never say that again. I think the sting would have been less if he had slapped me in the face. His father did run away when he was 5 years old and the he has never been the same because of it. I can’t picture my life without my kids. I may need a break but I certainly am not going to run away.
I think I better keep wearing a belt, because the alternative is unacceptable.