Sadness

I never want anyone to think that I am always happy.  I do generally have a sunny disposition, but today was a sad day. I found out that my friend’s 6 week old nephew, Parker was being moved to hospice. Life support was removed on Tuesday night, but he’s still been breathing on his own. I couldn’t stop crying. I e-mailed my husband James. I updated my Facebook status, because many of my friends have been praying with me for Parker.  I called my mom.  I told my children that I love them and I hugged them. James called me to ask if I was okay. I told him that I wasn’t sure why the news about Parker affected me so deeply.  I was so upset that I couldn’t e-mail my friend back right away, but I just sent her a message thanking her for allowing me to share in praying for Parker. “Sharing things like this helps me remember to be thankful for my little ones, it helps me remember the one that I lost (through miscarriage) and I think over all it helps me be a better Mommy.” I am not sad for Parker because I know that God is going to take him to heaven.  I’m thankful that his family was blessed with a few extra days to say their goodbyes.  Sometimes I need to be flooded with sadness, because it’s in the sadness that I  find where my joy really is . . . My joy not dependant on my  present circumstances or on the here and now, but my joy is in the fact that God is in control no matter what.  I do not understand by God allows things like this to happen, and I don’t have to understand.  God is God and I am not. It’s okay to be sad sometimes.

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Filed under Faith, Mommy Thoughts

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