The other day in a restaurant I was stopped by an elderly woman. She asked what my nationality is because my children have such beautiful eyes, and so I told her that I am part Filipino. She proceeded to tell me that she has 11 children, and I told her that I am expecting number 4. Compared to 11 children, 4 children does not seem like very many at all. At another restaurant the day before Eliana was smiling at a man who was sitting by himself. As our family left the man told James that we have a beautiful family and when James told him that we are expecting another baby the man said “Praise the Lord!”
I have been thinking about the baby growing in me a lot lately as I watch the three children that I already have playing together and running through the grass together. It seems like every time I give them a bath I cannot help but think to myself, “Is there room in this bathtub for another kid?” I guess the real question on my heart is “Do I have room in my heart for another child?” There are some times during the day that I am so busy and overwhelmed with the tasks of the day that I do not think about the life that grows in me. Then there are moments of peace and quiet and I feel the baby moving around and I am overwhelmed with thinking about the baby. What my baby will look like? Will the baby be a boy or a girl? What kind of personality will her or she have?
There are some times that I feel very confident in my ability to take care of three children and I think to myself what’s one more kid? I will confess that some times I am terrified at the idea of a fourth baby! Take for example yesterday’s church service, before the boys were dismissed to go downstairs for their service. Before church even started Joshua and Eliana were running away from me. Once the service started, Eliana was crying, but she didn’t want to be held, Andy was throwing books onto the floor and Joshua was talking loudly.
All days have their moments. Today’s moments included Andy tearing flash cards up and putting them under the table because he is a T-Rex, Joshua losing his shoe two different times while we were on our walk and both times he walked 10 steps more before saying, “Hey my shoe fall off!”and Eliana trying to sink her teeth into my arm because I put her in her crib for a nap.
I am thankful that I know God hasn’t called me to raise 11 children. He and I both have an understanding about what I can handle and I guess it’s that simple fact that gives me the strength that I need to press onward no matter what the day’s battle holds.