Imperfect

I worry all the time about whether or not I’m a good Mom. Tonight Eliana looked up at the ceiling, pointed at her chest, and said forcefully, “Get in my heart right now!” This was NOT the idea that I was trying to convey when talking about asking Jesus to come into your heart.

I haven’t found a good solution for getting the kids to help me pick up their toys.  I try to make a game of it. I try to help them pick up. More often than not I find myself yelling and even threatening to throw all their toys away, to which they respond with tears and anger.

In my mind I guess that I go with the theory that if I make them super upset that I can get them to pick up.  I really don’t like watching  Dr. Phil, but I can hear him ever so clearly asking in his Texas twang (I mean no offense to my friends in Texas) “How’s that working for you?” I can imagine myself shrinking at this statement and answering “It’s not going well and I think something needs to change.” Remember when I said that I was going to try whispering?  Well, that hasn’t worked either! (You can read about that here.)

For several days Andy hasn’t had any clean blue jeans. Yesterday I let him wear too-small tan cords. The two days before that he wore blue cords. Today I dug a pair of too-small blue jeans out of the plastic trash bag that is supposed to go to Goodwill. This is due to my complete lack of motivation to do laundry. Tonight’s mission is to move the entire load of kids’ jeans into the dryer so tomorrow Andy doesn’t have to repeat the pattern of the last four days on coming into the living room wearing only his underwear to tell me that he has no pants to wear.

Now that she is mobile, Isabel has been finding and chewing on a pieces of cotton stuffing and paper. I said something to the affect of “I think Isabel is chewing on a piece of fuzz.”  I was quickly and sternly corrected by Joshua. “It’s not fuzz! It’s fluff!”  I had to sew and repair one injured moose who had lost his stuffing and one throw pillow with a large hole. I also ended up picking up toys myself so that I could vacuum the living room, kitchen and the entry way.

I know very well that I am not a perfect Mom, but I am trying to be a better Mom and I really think that is what counts. That and that fact that I love my four little people, my husband, and my God more than anything else in the whole wild world.

I’m going to switch the laundry over right now!

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